For the girls (boys too if you like)
This post has been on my heart for a very long time, I am so excited to share this with you all because I truly believe that this can change things. It is so hard to express the vastness of this subject in written words, there is so much more to this that I would love to share so please message me with any questions (Instagram name is at the bottom).
My sense of worth and value has been crushed, confused and challenged a lot in the past 4 years of my life. In the last 6 months I have finally begun to understand that so much can change in people’s lives when your worth is placed in a concrete place, God. Looking around at the people I grew up with and that surround me I can see people placing their value in many different things that inevitably kill their sense of worth and value. This needs to stop because we are all daughters of the King and once you realise that you are valued as a human, you begin to understand what you deserve and therefore you make better decisions. Placing your sense of value and confidence in the things I have mentioned below (and many more) is so destructive to your spirit and you as a person and my heart is to really encourage, challenge and show you that you can find freedom from this destruction and weight in God. Trust me, I have true confidence in that fact. I do not mean any of this in judgment or harshness, this comes from a place of compassion and passion to change the game for girls in particular because this is not ok.
Looking around at the culture that surrounds us, it is evident that some people think that their value can be found in the validation of a boy through sex (I say boy because any male who sells you the idea that your value is found in sex is a boy NOT a man). This is probably one of the most destructive things I have seen, and it is destroying my friends and so many more. The idea that having sex with the boy that doesn’t love you will give you value is a lie. The idea that he will end up loving you and therefore valuing you for giving him sex is also a lie. The first issue with this is that if the only way you think that you will be valued by this boy is through sex then he isn’t ‘the one’ and if he didn’t value you before sex, why would he after? Your sex is not where your value is found, anyone who teaches you that is wrong. You do not have to have sex to be valued and your value is not and should not be found in sex because that is so detrimental to your spirit. You are a person, not an object. Our biggest desire is to be loved and full known and that is what we all strive for, but we already are loved and full known by God.
Secondly, having a flat stomach doesn’t give you worth or value. The world that surrounds us has become so unhealthily obsessed with body image, working out, eating all kinds of weird diets, drinking smoothies and in some cases, not eating at all. My Instagram discovery page is full of girls with incredibly toned bodies who look amazing and it leaves me feeling nothing but lack of worth. So much so that I have seriously considered deleting Instagram because I feel so low that I don’t look like them. I finally realised that I was placing my worth in something that was so subjective, weak and bound to break at some point. Outward appearance always changes in life and so to put your confidence and worth primarily or wholly into it, you will never be firm in your worth. Don’t misunderstand, working out and eating well is so important, but it should not define you. Your value is not based on your body at all and don’t for a second believe that it is.
Thirdly, your value is not determined by your relationship status. Single or not, your worth is not dependant on that. Your worth is not determined by experiences in previous relationships. Your worth is not determined on your lack of experience with relationships. Your worth is not determined or subject to any other human at all!
Your sense of worth should not come from social media, your body image, the way others have treated you, others’ opinions of you, your grades, your followers to following ratio, if that boy messages you first or not.
I am convinced that when you place your value or worth in anything other than God, your sense of value will only be destroyed in one way or another. For so long I placed most of my sense of value and worth in how other people saw me or how people treated me. In the last 4 years a lot in my life has changed and because of those experiences and that I placed my value in people, I completely lost a sense of who I was, my confidence, what I deserved and what I don’t. That’s when it occurred to me that if I was to place my confidence and worth in God, who created me, it could never be broken again. How do you break anything that is rooted in eternity? You can’t.
God picked you, created you, called you, planned you, gave you a purpose for all seasons of life, God loves you, God liberates you and God rejoices in you. By placing your value back into God, this liberates you from having your value questioned and confidence crushed by finding your worth in things that aren’t eternal.
So, stop sleeping with the boy who doesn’t love you or value you. You are worth so much more. Start seeing how when your value is in God then you are free, you’re valued, you’re a boss to be treasured and not an object to be used. You’re your very own Michelle Obama.
Stop obsessing with how many inches are coming off your waist and believing that when you look like Kim Kardashian then you will be valued. Stop selling yourself the lie that your value is determined by how you look, this is a dead end.
Your value and worth should be found only in God and in the recognition that (say what follows, out loud, with me) ‘I am the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world for my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear because I am his.’ You are the daughter of God, that is where your value is found!
Please feel free to comment or DM me,
Have a blessed week,